Let me tell you a story. This one is about an entitled princess who has everything and wants more and wants it to be perfect. This is a story about a week that began amazing, but because of ingratitude, went downhill quickly and then after a pity party, a reality check and a wake up call, and some special spontaneous decisions became a week I will talk about for a long long time as long as anyone is willing to listen.
Mother’s day began my week. Beautiful day, time with my husband, quality presents, delicious dinner made and cleaned up by my favorite people. I still felt empty at the end of the day. Why? It wasn’t my idea of perfect. I was having a pity party because I had an idea about how Mother’s Day should go and what I expected. I was sad because of me. I knew it, but it didn’t change my feelings. That’s okay. I’m working through it.
Tuesday was my husband’s birthday. Months ago I had purchased baseball tickets when they had a $6 sale. I love this because, well I have a big family, however, I’m only allowed 8 tickets. I would like to mention to the St. Louis Cardinals that I have a family with 10 children and two grandchildren and would like to take all of them to the baseball game. Just sayin. Large family discrimination is a thing. It just so happened that my daughter’s first year playing high school soccer ended with a banquet on his birthday. Showing support to my teenagers is a high priority, so I was not going to the baseball game, but not being able to spend time with my husband on his birthday is a bummer! After another pity party when discussing the schedule for the week, my generous husband offered to accompany us at the banquet, which was not nearly as exciting as the baseball game. Because I got to spend his birthday together, my son, his wife and two kids were able to take our places and allow the four boys to go to a game. Of course things work out, just not how I had planned.
Wednesday was Ambrose’s birthday, and I wrote about that in my last blog. That emotion was more sad than frustrating or disappointed, but now that a few days have passed, it has become a part of our history and I have accepted that we are all growing older and one day closer to being able to live with Jesus.
Two days later on Thursday we drove to Kansas City, where we both have some family to visit. This little trip was a few months in the making only because when we sat down one morning in March to look at our calendar for a time to visit with Todd’s dad, the only open weekend for us to spend any amount of quality time was May 20. It took three months of searching the calendar for a day that didn’t have some kind of commitment on it before we could land on a date. When we came to that date, I had to smirk a little because I said – what if we went up on the 18th so I could see Jen Fulwiler at the Improv? If you don’t know who Jen is and you are a Catholic mom, please go check her out. I have loved her since I discovered her books about four years ago. She is my spirit animal.
So I gathered my friend and my sisters together and bought tickets for a fun evening of comedy and oh man, did we make the most of it. We sat in the front row, I made a sign that was featured in the show, we got to meet her afterwards and we even ended up on her Instagram stories! (I had to screen record it for my memories) I was on cloud nine and so excited to meet one of my advocates for bringing balance into my life.
I have to credit Jen for inspiring me to do so many things in my life and one is having the courage to be spontaneous again. I grew up as a spontaneous person and then I married a cautious person and had 10 children in 19 years and mellowed out to the point that I couldn’t go anywhere without a spreadsheet of clothes, snacks, extra shoes and paper towels. And that is just for the grocery store.
This trip was a family trip, and except for a few older kids who had obligations, the youngest 6 were coming with us. One of the teenage girls was incredibly upset that we wouldn’t leave her home so she could go to the Thomas Rhett concert with her friends. I don’t have anything against concerts and I love country music, but this was a family trip to do family things and like it or not, she had to go. I have to say, though, this is my favorite part of this story. As we were getting on the local highway about 20 minutes from my father in law’s house, I noticed a billboard for Thomas Rhett in KC on Friday night. Something sparked in me and I looked up the tickets. There were still plenty left and they were fairly inexpensive for a concert that featured three well known artists. I didn’t say anything to anyone, but I thought that this might actually be possible. When we got to Todd’s dad’s, I had a chance to ask my husband if this might be possible at all. And he was not opposed to the idea. This is always a good sign.
The day after I saw Jen Fulwiler, we took the family to Lego Land in downtown KC. The boys LOVED it and the girls more than tolerated it. Thank goodness for Starbies in lego land. It’s nice to see teenagers let their inner child out every once in a while. I knew it was not a large place, but man if we didn’t get every penny out of our admission. The boys wanted to go back even after lunch which I was not expecting. That is when I told my daughter we could drive to the arena and find tickets to Thomas Rhett – only if she really wanted to. And of course, she was surprised, excited and upset that she didn’t have a “concert outfit” all at once. Love my teenage girls. A quick stop to Target for some huge hoop earrings and her dad’s trucker hat later and she was just as cute as any of those girls who took three hours to do their makeup and pick out just the right outfit just to spill beer all over it. That night, that experience, that chance to make my teenager feel even just a little bit special because I would do this for her, is a night I will remember forever.
I have to give even more credit to my husband for just allowing me to work my crazy magic. He already knew I was crazy, but he could have told me I was absolutely bonkers for going out late two nights in a row knowing I would get up the next morning to visit with my sisters before driving home. Also, he drove back to downtown KC and waited for us to get out of the concert. He took the boys on a bike ride the next morning, too, in which one bike’s tire completely blew and he had to walk the bike back about a mile. And of course, HE actually drove us the four hours back home – not me. That man is a saint and I will never stop being grateful that he loves me.
When I sit back and look at my life, it’s pretty amazing. I know I have it so good and I should count my blessings every day. I also have pity parties because I know it could be perfect. Well, actually it will never be perfect, but I can keep trying. When I am upset because things didn’t go my way or other people did not treat me the way I believe I should be treated, it is not good enough just to count my blessings and be happy. Quite honestly, that does not work for me. I need to know why. I want to know how it could be better and why I am not satisfied with the beauty and the generosity that is set before me. And then I beat myself up, because I should be satisfied right?
That week is the perfect example of the roller coaster that we all go through. Sometimes it is a year long rollercoaster dotted by happy and exciting as well as frustrating and irritating events. But sometimes, that roller coaster could be many events in one week or even a day that sends us into a spiral of happenstances that just leaves us flat and exhausted after all the ups and downs we just encountered. What are we supposed to do with those feelings? We are supposed to cast them out to God.
1Peter 5:7 says to cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you. Cares, worries, anxiety, fears, troubles, irritations, frustrations, etc. (the first three I found in translations, the other three I equate with many of my feelings that I equate with cares in my life) – these are all to be given over to Him. When and only when we do this, we have peace. We can have peace that only Jesus can give, the peace that the world does not give. No matter how many plans you make, no matter how much money you make and save, we will never find the assurance that our eternal lives will be blissful.
I am constantly working on taking more deep breaths and pulling myself out of my pity parties. I do begin do think on the generosity of others, especially my family. I dwell on the goodness of my state in life, not the trials. It takes some practice and some understanding that the more I look to God for my peace and not others who will most definitely fall short at some time. I am practicing, falling short, asking forgiveness, forgiving those who have fallen short as well and trying to be a more loving, kind, beautiful daughter of God.
Complex Simplicity 